“Bob, where are you going? To take a BM! I’ll be back in 10… probably more. Oh bob…”

That was the first time I think I saw my Grandfather break character.  It was also the first time I got a glare from my grandmother that I can remember.  I guess following her around asking 95 times within 10 minutes what a “BM” wasn’t the greatest choice.  It wasn’t until years later I found out what a “BM” actually was, and it made this story all the funnier to me.
(It’s bowel movement for those of you who don’t know.)

This of course isn’t the fondest memory of my grandfather that I have and I’m not getting into it today, but it’s an odd course of action to take a story about my grandpa and turn it around to make me think about the way he might have thought about things.  For instance, this morning I’m minding my own business and go in for my regular 9 A.M…for the sake of relevance let’s call it a BM.  And I forgot my phone.  Now sure, if you think about it, your phone is the dirtiest thing you carry on your person each day for just the reason I gave.  But you all do it.  Let’s not shame my happy 10 minutes on the pot for your self-righteous germ lecture; it’s all gross.226789_1007869155189_9827_n

But I forgot my phone today.  And I became nervous about it.  As though this 600 dollar machine sitting at my desk was going to feel all alone by sitting on my desk.  I’m happy and a bit relieved “judgement day” didn’t happen while I was liberating my nether regions but I pose the question for the sake of good ol’ fashioned toilet humor: What did you used to do when you didn’t have your phone when you took a dump?  What did you used to do? It’s vulgar sure, but relevant.  Keep reading.

I came to one holy and glorified conclusion.  You did nothing.  Not a thing.  You sat there and relished the moment of internal silence and used it (whether you knew it or not) to pose to your own mind questions of personal relevance and gain.  A simple concept, but none the less, it’s truly something I’ve decided to apply to my own life starting today.  I may even make t-shirts.

What do you have a phone for anyway?
The way I see it, it’s quicker to capture the moment on a phone or camera, but it’s better to just be there.  My family on my mothers side,  (there are two brothers and two sisters) used to show these home videos, but when I was younger, I would use that time to play with toys and ignore most of what was happening in front of me.  And it’s something that perhaps doesn’t matter or of little relevance, but I don’t know what anyone in my family over the age of 32 was like when they were younger.  I don’t know their mannerisms, how they treated others, or even if like me, found their way by carving a unique and dirty path.
What I do know, is that none of them had cell phones then.  So I look at it in one of two ways, either everything they ever did and accomplished was on those old film reels, or those stories are theirs to keep.

Personally, I like the second of the two.

What comes of this is that there are things you can’t say to just anyone.  Sure that cheesy, and maybe I’m a bit preachy today but at a certain point one has to put together that among those specific four people (or your situation), there are things nobody else in the world will ever know or hear about.

Stories, imagery, words, bad, good, whatever you want to add.  It’s theirs.  In 85 years, when I’m hopefully doing this same thing with my d-bag brothers, I won’t know anything of what those four people did.

It sounds sad but there is something about that notion that I’m fine with, as there are things that sometimes should only be said among those who were there with you.

-Riding the Fine Line.

2 thoughts on ““Bob, where are you going? To take a BM! I’ll be back in 10… probably more. Oh bob…”

  1. I loved reading this. I love reading all your blogs, but the ones that are personal like this one about Grandpa is great! Obviously growing up in the same family and hearing what your memories are and how you perceived things is fascinating. Keep writing, I love keeping up with the writings! Xo

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